Is Girl Talk Keeping You Single?
Women consult other women on any and everything. How’s my hair? What diet are you on? How does my butt look in these jeans? Big? Good.
If we consult other women for life or death decisions like which shoes to buy, it’s only logical that we are also consulting our sister-girl circle about any and every man that crosses our path.
His cologne is still fresh in the air and you are busy nestled in your couch texting (or in my case tweeting) the recap. What did he do? What did he wear? He did this, I said that, we did this, and now what? Soon your friends are enveloped in the latest saga of the Young and the Manless.
But is that girl talk keeping you single?
We’ve all gone through a relationship once upon a time that had blazing red flags. Perhaps you just wrote those flags off as decoration for the moment and kept pursuing the situation. Girl talk kept you grounded when you want to fly off into infatuation and can save you from yourself. Opening up about some of my relationships to my circle of friends has pulled me out from my drunken love haze long enough to see the fuckery beyond his finesse.
But there’s a down side to girl talk that could very well keep you single. As my mother says, too many cooks spoil the chitlins. Or something like that.
This type of girl talk usually begins with an eye roll and a few huffs and puffs. He did or said something that has sent you OFF and now someone has to hear about it. So you convene your group and tell the story. Thirty minutes later you are finished, feeling light hearted, and enjoying the unanimous conclusion that you were right and he’s an idiot.
A few days pass and your back with boo and have completely forgotten about the petty argument. You have forgiven him, but your friends haven’t. Friends never, ever, forgive as quickly as you do. Now you’re seated at Sunday dinner with everyone side-eyeing your king as you hold his hand. This type of girl talk will keep you single as your friends keep tally of all the wrong he’s done.
YOU determine the image your friends have of your man. If you constantly run to them with the negative, don’t be surprised if they create a hostile environment for your relationship and you end up single. This doesn’t mean you need to keep everything inside. However, it does mean that you must be conscious of what you share, with who, and when. Take it to Jesus first or a notebook or here’s a new idea and then decide if it’s still something you want to discuss. Pausing for a few moments before you press send and expose your man’s flaws to the world can save you hours of damage control.
We all enjoy a good cackle over brunch about the crazy things men do, but too much of that type of girl talk will wreak havoc in your relationship.
All advice is biased including girl talk. It’s formed based on personal experience and people watching. When you invite girl talk advice into your relationship, you are allowing the experiences of a life you never lived to dictate how you should proceed from this point. “What should I do?” and the response that follows has ended relationships.
See the danger? Your relationships, and the requirements needed to make it successful, are as unique as your hair care routine. Although you bring your hair care struggles to the masses, if you let everyone influence you, you’ll eventually end up with a grave yard of products and some damaged edges trying to listen to what everyone else does, did or tried. Perhaps you end up copying someone else’s solution and end up with more damage than when you started.
Girl talk can be the same way. Inviting too many outside opinions into your relationship can muddy the water and make it difficult to make your OWN decision. Not all advice is bad and yes we do need to seek opinions of those who have already conquered but you must proceed with discernment. Seeking advice is not always the problem; the problem is typically WHO you seek advice from and the frequency. YOU are in the relationship. You’ve got to make sure that all the voices you seek aren’t drowning out your own.
Women will never stop asking their friends for advice or going to them to vent. It’s actually healthy here and there so that you don’t get lost to have an objective opinion. However, it’s worth reflecting if those habits have had any real implications in your relationships. Did he stop wanting to hang out with your friends or vice-versa? Did you end up in an argument following someone’s advice and had more trouble in the long term? Is the girl talk clouding your own judgment?
It’s up to you to put on the big girl draws and realize that YOU must be responsible for your relationship and make some choice on your own and keep some things to yourself. Girl talk can keep you single if you let it.