Having a moment thought I’d share a personal blog post that I wrote awhile back that pretty much sums up how I’m feeling now. Not sure who this will help but I like to believe that everything we go through is to help someone else get through, so hopefully this will inspire someone else to continue pushing to make their dreams come true! I know I’m usually writing about celebrity gossip but every now and again your girl does have a sensitive moment lol.
A New Day
Soooo, I know I haven’t blogged in forever and a day, but I figured today was as good as any to start back. I don’t really have a topic in particular to write about, so I guess I’ll just randomly start typing and see where this goes lol. Over the past few weeks I have had the time to do a lot of self evaluation, and it hit me that my life isn’t going in any particular direction. I’m not regressing, but at the same time I’m not progressing either. I’m kind of stuck in a rut. It’s like I have all these ideas going around in this pretty little head of mine(self esteem was never one of my issues lol), but yet none of these ideas are coming into fruition…and to be honest I have no one to blame but myself. I think sometimes I get caught up in this hollywood fantasy that I’ll be out somewhere and some random person will discover me and the rest will be history…but the only “scouts” I’ve met so far old men who claim to be “photographers” yet their only work can be found in their camera phones. I know that most of the successful people in history, aren’t just randomly “discovered”…many actually work very hard for many years to achieve their success. Many doors are shut before they get that one that will open, and they hear many no’s before someone finally says yes. It takes a strong person to endure the rejection that comes along the road of success. I admit I can be my own worst enemy at times. Sometimes I don’t believe I’m built to handle that type of rejection, and a lot of the times I won’t even try for fear that if I do I will fail. I often doubt myself even when others tell me that they have faith in me. I will compare myself to others, and give myself a hundred reasons why they have what it takes and I don’t, why they will be successful at something and I won’t, and because of this mindset I often lose the race before I even get out of the starting block because mentally I have already lost. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I deserve the credit I’m given, or for people to tell them their proud of me…”for what?” is all my mind will say. “You went to school and graduated…but what else have you done?” are the thoughts I constantly have in my head. The girl that bragged she would grow up and be famous in school…who even got a tattoo of stars on her foot because she knew she would be one…isn’t a star, not yet anyway. Dreams of grandeur play in my mind. The day when I can walk into a mall, excuse me boutique, and pick out whatever I want and not worry about the price. The day when I can purchase a home whenever I need a change of scenery or a new car because I feel like driving something different today. The day when the worlds best fashion designers and hairstylists, etc. will be at my leisure to keep me photo ready at all times. But most importantly the days where I can provide for my family so that they want for nothing. The days where I can give back and make another little girls dreams come true. The day they can look at my life and gain inspiration, and see that if I made it so can they. To see that if you keep God first and work hard towards your dreams nothing is impossible…but I have to take my own advice first. I have to learn to trust God and his plan for my life. He knows my wants, needs, and desires because he was the one that gave them to me. I know he wouldn’t give me these dreams for me not to fulfill them. He never lies, and I know that through him I can do all things…so the only person that can stop me at this point is me. He has provided me with what I need, mainly a wonderful support system, who is always encouraging me and telling me how much they love me and are proud of me and he has also provided me with the talents to be successful. Now I just have to go get it…so that is what I’m going to do! It’s a new day, and the Bible says that this is the day that the Lord has made, so I will rejoice and be glad in it…so today I choose to be glad. Despite of my insecurities or circumstances,I choose to be glad. I choose to work toward my goals and receive all God has for me and my family….It’s a New Day!